Passy?

For anyone that knows my little Josh, you know that he has sucked a pascifier all his short life. He started sucking a passy when he was in the hospital and has only recently started sleeping without one. We had taken the passy away from him during the days several months ago and had only allowed him to suck it during his naps and at bedtime. Josh has had a very strong love for his passy. Matt said that sometimes it reminded him a little too much of Gollum and the Ring ..."my precious". Sometimes in the morning right before he would have to hand the passy over he would look at it with such tenderness and practically stroke it while he would slowly and sadly say, "aw done passy".

So, Matt and I finally had to come to the decision to take the passy away from him for good. We decided to try the subtle, snip a little off the tip of the passy approach. Well, it was not so subtle to Josh! Believe me he noticed it while I was still handing it to him. That night Josh shed many tears. And as Matt and I began to think about it we realized that this passy has been the most consistent thing in his life since he was born. Even when we would leave him for a night, his passy was still always there with him.

The first night we took the passy away from Josh, Matt came downstairs after putting him to bed and he said, "it kind of breaks my heart to watch my son give up something for the first time". I was sad too. In fact I was practically crying. It was kind of sobering to think that this was the first of probably many things that Josh will have to let go of throughout his life.

I guess in my life, when God has asked me to give up my "passy"s, it has always been to help me grow up too. Everytime I bawl and protest...but in the end it's because He wants me to stop depending on whatever the "passy" is at that time in my life and learn to trust more in Him. He's wanting me to become a grown up spiritually rather than a passy baby Christian.

God has been showing me lately that He only "takes away my passys" because He loves me so much. I think in His creative way, He has used this lesson in Josh's life to show me a glimpse of what He must feel when He sees me hurt to give up something...but knowing it is the best thing for me.

I also wonder if God feels a sense of pride and joy like I did tonight when Josh went to bed and didn't even ask about the Passy. He's growing up. When I stop wining to God about the "passy" I had to give up and move on to just rely on Him, it must give Him some pleasure.

Maybe I can start handing God my "passy"s with more willingness as I realize the love that motivates Him to ask for them.

-Rebekah