On our trip to Florida recently, I was talking with my good friend, Kendra. She saw that I was rather discouraged with my son's behavior one day and kindly suggested maybe I should talk to her mom who lived through many times of frustrations during her early mothering years. (It probably also tells you how bad things got some days on vacation!)
So, the next time I saw Paula in church I stopped her and told her what Kendra had said. It was so encouraging to hear her talk about her days of going home from church crying and feeling like a failure as a mom. That sounds morbid that I was somehow encouraged to hear about her bad days doesn't it? But there is something comforting in knowing you are not alone isn't there?
I do struggle though with knowing how far do you go in sharing your struggles before it begins to sound like all you do is complain? Where is the balance of being open and honest with others in the same place in life without coming off as a complete BAG?! Any thoughts?
Curious
(I thought it would be fun to sign it like a Dear Abby letter!)
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11 comments:
We are encouraged to bear eachother's burdens. And that older women should teach the younger! We need encouragement... We need to know we are not alone...we need to know we aren't failing, but just another woman with a very important responsibility that is so often difficult, stressful, mundane... But I need to continually remind myself, how rewarding it is, and that this is what God has created me for! You're not alone, girl! =)
- K.K. Roanoke, IL
thank you Kristy! You are always an encouragement to me...I think you are doing a great job in this mothering thing! ;)
I am not a mother, but I think it is very important during this stage (or any stage)of your life to share your struggles with others. Think of what a blessing it was to Paula to be able to offer advise to you. Hopefully, 20 years down the road, some fortunate young mom will be able to learn from your experiences too! Keep up the great work!
-S.F. Bluffton, IN
on the topic of complaining vs. and/or venting or sharing, i spent some time looking up what the word 'murmuring' was that the israelites were so displeasing in. (because i vent all the time and wanted to know if that was complaining). what i found was that 'murmuring' was along the lines of 'speaking against'.
i don't think that sharing or venting frustrations that we are feeling is in this catagory-(why is it saying i'm spelling this wrong? apparently i've always spelled it wrong because i have no idea how else to spell it.)
now if we are saying what a jerk, idiot, etc. our family members are (as i do at times in my head) and gripe about how and why they are so faulty, i think that is probably murmuring.
just my $.02. :)
~shar
right on, I so often don't want to be seen as "that mom" with "that kid" and it is so nice to know that the image of perfection in other mommies is actually a mirage. Thank you for your honesty and if you ever really need a "morbid" pick me up, give me a call, this morning grace had taken off her p.j.'s and diaper and was sitting in her own bowel movement - GOOOOOD MORNING!!!
Oh dear...I am really struggling in this area right now. I am feeling like I do most all of this "complaining, sharing" with Darin and honestly, I think it is putting a strain on our relationship. No sooner was I just getting over a crying session about 2 hours ago before Darin got home from working and Focus on the Family program just came on (I know this may be veiring a little left of your original question but I think its worth mentioning) and Dr Dobson was stating the importance of sharing your struggles, emotional pains, frusterations...ect with women and not expecting your husband to fill ALL those needs. Ok, personally, that was hard for me to swallow. I know he was not saying dont share anything with your husband but just recommending finding a good network of friends to get honest with and be REAL! It is very humbling but I really want that (and I know Darin does too!) So I guess back to your original question of balance...I HAVE NO IDEA!! But I really do think that hearing each others struggles/issues does break down that often misleading perfection in other people...so I think share on! But definitly need to be cautious of the sensitive subjects and sharing with people you trust is key. You dont want to go around dumping your trash in the yard of someone who will dump it into the neighbors yard.
jl normal, IL
You should have ended your 'Dear Abby letter' with something like "Nervous in Normal," "Bewildered in Bloomington," or "Intrested in Illinose."
I really appreciated your story Rebekah. I think that one of Satan's best tactics is discouragment. Sometimes to hear that you are normal is soooo encouraging! I learned alot from what Sharlin said about "mumering" as "speaking against." I am going to try to remember that when I do need to talk about my frustrations, I think it is a good test of the heart...am I complaining because my child is making MY life hard and ruining MY plans or am I seeking help to correct my child because I love him.
Aaron, your Dear Abby titles cracked me up!
Today is church we were told that what ever we allow in our own lives (or that in our children's lives) we teach! I think this is good to think on. All of us need a good encouragement, and the Bible encourages the older woman to instruct the younger, because God knew that women need women to learn from...we all experience the same emotions in trying to raise our children. But in the long race of life, as we try to keep one another encouraged, lets remember that we are teaching the things we allow!
Dear Abby Sign Off: For What It's Worth In Cyber Space
We kind of had this discussion in a Mom's group I am involved with the other day. We were talking about how it's soooooo much easier to talk to other Moms about sharing our struggles, because we KNOW they've been there. Sharlin had a great point. And I agree with Jessica that it's soooo important to have those friends you feel comfortable talking to about those "REAL" issues of motherhood. I think it's great that you spoke to Paula. And no I don't think it was morbid that you felt encouraged when you talked to Paula about her bad days....it's just good to know that you are NOT ALONE. I have felt encouraged many times when I hear of other moms' stuggles. Other mothers have the same struggles, too. Keep your head up! God will get you through those rough days!
Mar
PS Isn't it great to blog and get all this great advice without even picking up the phone!:)
I really appreciate you sharing so honestly and so transparently! Now that the majority of my children are grown, I can look back and recognize that the most difficult moments of my life were when I had multiple "little ones". There is something about the constant demands of young children that tend to wear us very thin. I think that sharing with other sisters-in-Christ (venting) made me realize that many other moms were feeling (or had felt) the same way and that the verse "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man" is very real. I find great comfort in that verse and sharing makes you realize that to be true. Satan wants each of us to think that our struggles are "uncommon" and that no one else struggles as we do. Sharing brings this lie to light. Also, recognizing that interuptions are your work for this season in life might also be helpful. Your husband and kids are your main agenda! Keep up the good work Rebekah and all you young moms out there in cyberspace! God will greatly bless your efforts! HE promises that all over HIS WORD!
Shari - Bluffton
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